The day my life changed forever

In celebration of my brother's birthday, I would like to take you back to the moment when my family's entire history was changed forever. 16 years ago today, it was a bright, sunny, and humid June day and I had just been dismissed from school. Instead of my very pregnant mother picking me up, my stern-looking grandpa stood waiting to take my sister and I home.

I was very confused as to why he was there (I obviously couldn't put 2 and 2 together at that age). "Where is mom?" I asked.

"She's at the hospital. She had the baby," he answered.

I couldn't believe it!! I was overjoyed! "A boy or a girl?" I asked breathlessly. I really wanted a little brother to play with because Dilmeet and Paul (or 'Tom and Jerry' as my family dubbed them) were very close to each other. Even though Dil and I are two years apart, my brother and sister had birthdays almost within a year of each other and could not be separated by any physical means. They were joined at the hips, always opting to play together while leaving me out of the loop. I remember praying for another brother to play with; someone I could be best friends with, just like Tom and Jerry. I even had nicknames for us - Roadrunner and Wile E. Coyote.

"Boy," grunted my grandfather. He was never one to elaborate.

A boy!! Oh, boy!!! I couldn't wait to meet him!!! What did he look like? Did he look like me? Would he know I'm his sister? Was my dad there? When could I go to the hospital? Would they come back tonight?

My grandfather just snorted at my questions, not giving me proper answers. But I didn't care, I had a beautiful new baby brother all to myself! Yeah, sure, I would have to share him with my other brother and sister, but we all knew that he was mine really. He was born to be my best friend -- Dil and Paul already had each other. Finally, someone I could go to the park with and dance around with and tease Tom and Jerry with. We would make an amazing team, my new brother and I, always defending each other and pleading our case to my parents.

We were going to be unstoppable.

I didn't get to see him that night.  I really wanted to.

I was told that he wasn't well and that I was not allowed to visit. I couldn't understand. How sick could he be?

The next few weeks are a blur of visits to the Vancouver Children's Hospital where I would have to wash my hands a million times before entering the ICU. When in the ICU, I still could not visit him - I could only watch as the adults were allowed to get closer to my brother. My brother! Why was I not allowed to visit? I could only look into the room through cold glass windows, pointing and waving, while proudly beaming that my beautiful new baby brother was in there.

As weeks slowly turned to months and my mother was released from the hospital, I still could not understand why my brother was not allowed to come home. And I was still too young to visit him inside those glass doors.

Can't I get closer to him, just once?

I promise I won't touch.

6 months. 3 hospitals. Down's Syndrome.

Down's is a genetic condition where there is a third copy of the 21st chromosome. I remember the nurse used to come by every week and gave my family a copy of "My brother has Down's". This is when I first got to learn about the condition and started to understand that Arjun would never be the brother I imagined he would be. He would always live with a mental disability and because he had secondary and tertiary conditions as well, he may not ever be able to speak or ever function independently.

A lot of people with Down's can dress themselves. My brother can't. Many of them can talk. My brother only grunts or smiles or makes noises. My brother walks hunched over and still wears diapers.

I wouldn't change him for the world. Not even if you offered to exchange him for a dozen brother's who would be the Wile E. Coyote in our dynamic duo.

I'm not going to sugar-coat it and say it's been an easy ride. It's actually been very hard for our family. Can you imagine living in a country not your own, giving birth to a boy with disabilities, and not understanding how to raise him? Not understanding how it could happen? Having three needy children already, making minimum wage, working 7-days a week just to pay your bills. Now this?

I remember when I was young, taking Arjun to the park with my sister and he didn't want to come back home. Because he could not communicate his frustration and did not understand why he had to go home, he started pulling my hair and clothes in the middle of the street. My brother may be 9 years younger than me, but he is very strong and when he demands attention, it hurts. My sister and I could not constrain him, and I remember him finally chasing us down the street to our house. He's a hard one to calm down.

You should also never give him pop. Ever.

My sister has had a huge role to play in the raising of Arjun. While I was in university and working, Dilmeet watched Arjun for most of the nights my parents worked. I wish I could be half the woman she is when it comes to loving him. But still, the impact this boy has had on my life is undeniable. I wouldn't have ever done a seminar on Down's if it hadn't been for him. I would never have worked with the special needs kids in our high school program if it hadn't been for him. I would never have had a chance to work 4 years in a community centre working with the most incredible teenagers with mild to moderate disabilities if it hadn't been for Arjun.


I wouldn't have cared. I would never have been exposed to the world of Special Education.

My entire life changed because he was born. The only reason I am a teacher now is because I wanted to get my minor in Developmental and Learning Disabilities so I could work with these incredible children for the rest of my life.

When some people find out that they have a baby with Down's they opt to abort it. They feel as though they would not be able to handle the weight of responsibility of caring for someone who is so needy. I can't even fathom what my life would have been like had my mother been given that opportunity and had chosen to take it.

You may not know anyone with special needs, but I can guarantee you that they can teach us more about life and ourselves than we can teach them. We can only teach practical knowledge, but they teach us how to be innocent, how to laugh, how to love unconditionally. Our world is a better place because people like Arjun have come into it.

So happy 16th birthday, my beautiful, innocent, wonderful brother. I miss you so much. I wish you could understand just how much you mean to me, how much I love you, and how much of my life I owe to you.

The day you took your first breath was the day my life changed forever.

Love,
Your sister,
Tanisha

What Am I Doing Here?

A lot of you have probably been wondering what exactly I do with my time here in London. I have to say, that teaching here (as it is anywhere, I suppose) is hard work. It's especially more difficult when you are not used to the system and are unsure of what is expected from you. Right now I am in a long-term position in a reception class (that's preschool to all you non-British types) and boy, do they learn A LOT!!!! These kids are brilliant! They're reading words like "chasing" at an age when all I thought about was tasting my boogies (Ew. Gross. Boogies!)

Trust me, these kids also think about eating their boogies but they're just a little bit better at reading.

I wash my hands constantly.

But I digress (as always). From Monday to Friday, my morning starts out at 6:45 (I'll push it to 7 if I can) and then I rush to get ready. I usually leave the house around 7:30 and then board an express bus that is about 10 minutes away. My place of work is about an hour away --- and NOT in London. I constantly find myself walking under Hanwell station overpass and looking up to make sure there are no pigeons above me. There is a LOT of pigeon poop on the sidewalk and my greatest fear is that one day, it will land on my head. Trust me, it'll happen. I just dread the day.

"Alright, men. The target has been spotted. She is an East Indian Canadian by the name of Tanisha. Wanted for scaring our brothers by jumping in front of them and laughing. Target must be eliminated. Or pooped on."

On Mondays, I usually chillax at night (and by chillax, I mean spend over 8+ hours at school ensuring I am ready for the coming week and am too tired to do anything else other than come home and sleep). On Tuesdays, I have pastorate in East Putney (that's Bible-study for you non-HTB folk). The interesting thing about Bible studies here is that every few weeks, we have a "social" that occurs in a pub. No joke. I can't make this stuff up. Good times abound. (In context: England has a pub culture. People go to the pub casually as we would go to a restaurant or park to meet and hang out).

Fancy a pint?

I have now officially joined a London Ultimate Team (Whoo!!!!) and our games are on Wednesdays. Boy, do I need to practice, practice, practice. It's so great when you play with people who are 100x better than you. :D Thursdays, I usually go to the gym or just hang out. Friday's and Saturday's are usually a mixture of socializing, planning and gathering resources for the upcoming week, and resting. On Sundays, I play Ultimate with Couch Surfers (yes, you read that right) at Hyde Park (my new stomping grounds!) and then go to an evening service at HTB.

This is what takes up most of my time. I love life here, but I do find being in charge of a class (even if I am co-teaching) exhausting. I think the weight of the responsibility has finally started to sink in and I realize that I am entrusted to the welfare and well-being of other people's precious children --- this is not something to be taken lightly. I find myself constantly thinking about lesson-plans and resources and how to get things done in the limited amount of time that I have before the end of the school-year. I guess that's what every teacher goes through.

I know our supervisors told us that it doesn't become easier until you've had 5 years of solid teaching experience. I just wish there was an easier and less draining route. I guess there's a reason why teachers get so much time off. We'd be burnt out if we didn't.

Oh yes, the title of my post. I called it "What Am I Doing Here?" because I have found myself thinking about British Columbia a lot. I think about the fact that I come from one of the best-rated cities in the world, and I find myself wondering "Wow. WHAT are you looking for in London? WHAT do you want from this place? WHAT are you doing here?" I look at pictures of BC and long for the majestic mountains and the sweet smelling green firs, the sparkling blue ocean and the never-ending hikes. I guess I took all of that for granted. I know that if/when I move back, I will be doing a lot more hiking and camping and travelling within BC than I ever have before. I haven't even begun to explore what the province has to offer.

Who in their right mind would actually walk away from this?

Meanwhile, I have to figure out what I came to London for. I've always wanted to live here... but, there's got to be another reason other than "well, it's always been my dream."

Well, that's my blog for today. I had hoped that I'd get another one up sooner, but it just takes me forever to write one. I am constantly editing and trying to figure out what exactly to write. Anyway here are some blogs that I am going to write about (so something to look forward to): Rehashing my wonderful 2-week trip to Italy; "Kat and Tani's Misadventures in Wales"; and "The Story of My Life" (an anecdote of what I always seem to deal with living here); plus English people VS Vancouver people.

Cheerio, mates!

Truly,
Tanisha

PS: For your viewing pleasure, I have just taken a picture of myself at 11pm at night. I call this pose "peace out, Vancouver."

Peace Out, Vancouver.

PPS: Nathan, I can't believe you're gone. This is depressing. Come back SOOOOON!

Well, since you asked...

Okay, okay. I know it's been over a month since I've written a blog post. But seriously, who is reading this? There is nothing interesting happening to me at the moment. Things here are going incredibly well. A little TOO well. You'd think that someone was orchestrating this...oh wait. There is.

I keep coming back to this subject because it is literally the one thing that keeps me going day in and day out. GOD.

His mercies are so great and His grace is ever-flowing. I wish I could just count the ways He has blessed me in this journey to London. Everything from making it possible for me to afford to come here, to blessing us with a safe home, to providing me with an incredible two roommates, and then, (best of all!) providing me a church home. One where people are so warm and welcoming and that you cannot help but feel God's love radiated from them.

It just makes me think about how I need to be continually coming from a place of giving and love and building relationships with others. Now, more than ever, do I see a need to welcome people --- to let them know that there is MORE to life than just drinking at a pub on a Saturday night and gyrating on the dance floor with strangers. Life has meaning and a purpose and it can be found through Him alone. We love because he first loved us (1 John 4:19).

I don't know...I could write about what a great time I'm having here in London and what a wonderful city it is live in. I could write about what my job is like and what the kids in my classroom are like. I could bore you with rantings about my weekend adventures and my upcoming trips to different European destinations --- but without the bigger picture, it is just...meaningless.

If you want the real story of what my life in London is like, it begins and ends with God. If you wanted the real story of what my life in Vancouver was like, it began and ended with God.

I just love the fact that no matter where I am in the world, He will not forget me or forsake me. I am His daughter and I am loved unconditionally by the Creator of the universe. I just know my life would be so different without Him and I am so glad that I can come to Him with my fears, wants, desires, thanks, and questions.

Last year I learned that He will never leave me. This year, I am discovering it in an entirely new way.

:)

Psalm 30

¹ I will exalt you, LORD,
for you lifted me out of the depths
and did not let my enemies gloat over me.
² LORD my God, I called to you for help,
and you healed me.
³ You, LORD, brought me up from the realm of the dead;
you spared me from going down to the pit.

⁴ Sing the praises of the LORD, you his faithful people;
praise his holy name.
⁵ For his anger lasts only a moment,
but his favor lasts a lifetime;
weeping may stay for the night,
but rejoicing comes in the morning.

⁶ When I felt secure, I said,
“I will never be shaken.”
⁷ LORD, when you favored me,
you made my royal mountain^[c] stand firm;
but when you hid your face,
I was dismayed.

⁸ To you, LORD, I called;
to the Lord I cried for mercy:
⁹ “What is gained if I am silenced,
if I go down to the pit?
Will the dust praise you?
Will it proclaim your faithfulness?
¹⁰ Hear, LORD, and be merciful to me;
LORD, be my help.”

¹¹ You turned my wailing into dancing;
you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy,
¹² that my heart may sing your praises and not be silent.
LORD my God, I will praise you forever.

My First Week Off (I could get used to this)

Alrighty, folks. It's time for another blog update. Whooooooo!! I have refrained from doing so because I have not been feeling well over the past few weeks, but also because I was off on my half-term break. Which means...MUSEUMS GALORE!!!

Chelsea has been such a wonderful friend to have around and check out the sights with. She is so considerate and it's great because she seems to enjoy the same exhibits as I do. So it's great going into a museum with someone who appreciates the same things.

The first one on our list was the Natural History Museum. btw. Did I mention that most of the museums here are FREE? The items the British "collected" from their empires are on display for all to see...and you don't even have to pay a cent pence! When you decide that you want to come over and visit me, we shall again embark on these FREE museums. Did I already tell you that they're FREE? FREE! FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!

*sigh* such a wonderful word. Music to my ears.

Oh yes, it's a glorious day!

But I digress...

At the Natural History Museum, we got to see dinosaurs, whales, and birds (oh my!). All dead (oh dear!). I have proof:

Stuffed hummingbird, anyone?

Next up was the British Museum. Something I've been wanting to go to for a LONG time! There, we saw all sorts of things including our favourite -- the Mummies! It was great because we got to listen to experts talk about the artefacts and give a more detailed history of the objects. It was really cool to see the Rosetta Stone -- that one piece of rock turned out to be the key in decoding Egyptian hieroglyphics.

What does this gibberish mean?

The Rosetta stone will tell you!

Seeing the preserved mummies was such a neat experience. It was hard to fathom that behind that bullet-proof glass and underneath all those bandages were the skeletal remains of an ancient being.

I vant to suck your blood...oh wait. That's Dracula...

Lastly, we went to the Victoria and Albert museum where we saw old clothing and a bunch of other old things (I was clearly not feeling well today...haha. Must go back to this museum so I can gaze at the splendour of all items Royal and British)

The week was full of amazing experiences. On Monday, Chelsea wasn't feeling well so I went to picadilly circus with Nathan. It was gorgeous! Kind of like the Madison Square Gardens of London (or MSG is the Picadilly of New York?)

Yes, Nathan CAN be in two places at once!

On Tuesday, we were walking along and heard people singing songs we knew outside of a church. We went up to them and it turns out they were a group from YWAM! We joined them in what they were doing (street ministry) and gave out chocolates to people on Valentine Day. I must admit, people here are sooooo suspicious when you try to give them something free (you'd think they'd be used to it by the number of free museums they have). Some people even thought they had to give the chocolate back...I did not know what to make of it. It was such a God day!

Wednesday was our National History Museum day.

Thursday we went to Shakespeare's Globe Theatre and got to see the Tower of London.

Friday we saw the British Museum.

Saturday was our day of rest. SO GOOD!

Sunday we went to HTB and I was not feeling so we didn't go to Hillsong at night. And I've been writing this post ever since.

Now I'm going to go read the Help. SO GOOD!

Ta ta for now!!!!

Sorry for the abrupt ending. I really wanna finish the Help!

Tanisha

PS: Did I mention that I had a delicious waffle? It was scrumptious!

POPPY!

You better have gone seen Dr. Tadros.

I am expecting an email with a full diagnosis.

Stalker.

My First Two Weeks in England

Hello, dear friends!

LOADS has happened since I last wrote this blog from YVR. God has been so good and so wonderful to both Chelsea and I during this trip, it's absolutely amazing! Amazing thing after amazing thing has happened, and God is just to be praised through it all!!!

Apparently people had been here for three weeks and had not found a decent place, but Chelsea and I moved in last Sunday! (Only a few days after arriving in London!) We officially have a London postcode so we can say that we live in the city! Whooooo!!!! And we found two rooms at the top floor of a house for a fairly decent price...people were telling us what a great deal we got. And, I have to say that I LOVE my room (and of course, the purple bedding!)

Who doesn't love a purple, silky bed?

Nathan (who refuses to pose for pictures) has been such a blessing an incredible help. His landlord's are so sweet as well and allowed us to stay with him for a few days. Mona and Sunny have two very cute children and are two of the sweetest people you will ever meet. I don't know what I would have done had we not had made the connections this first week! And did I mention? Mona's cooking is to DIE for!!! Nathan is in good hands!

THEN, to top it all off, we went to Hillsong church last Sunday and what an INCREDIBLE worship experience it was!!! Israel Houghton was in London this week and so it was a special worship service. I had never heard of him, but I have to say that he has a beautiful jazzy/soulful/gospel voice. It was an amazing worship experience! I really have no words to describe it!!! We are going back again tomorrow to get connected into small groups. Please pray that we will find a community to join and have fellowship with!

I think the hero of the story right now is my cousin Nathan, who has gone above and beyond to help Chelsea and I feel settled into London. He has hung out with us (we are such losers, we have no friends!!!) and has introduced us to so many different places and accompanied us on our journey to find a house. He has full-time school and is working 16 hours...I don't know how he does it!!! I have to say, he is definitely someone I have a deep gratitude and respect for. THANK YOU, NATHAN!!!

Chelsea and I spent Saturday being tourist (because, as Chelsea puts it, we are allowed to have 30% ignorance as foreigners) so it was fun day, full of smiles and laughs!!! We got to check out Big Ben and Westminster Abbey as well as the Evensong service that takes place in the Abbey. It was a very lovely experience as choir boys sung hymns and words from the Bible.

(1/2 a brain each with 30% ignorance)

Oh oh! I forgot to tell you about my first day/week of work!!! Well, that shall have to be saved for next time, as it is definitely a story worth recounting!!!

THANK YOU for all of you who prayed for us. God's hand and presence has seen us through this amazing journey and He has been here before us and preparing the way for us. I am so glad that He has seen us through, and keep praying that His hand will continue to guide us through the good days and the not so good! :)

I'll update you soon!

yours truly,

Tanisha

YVR to Gatwick!!!

Hello, fellow readers!

This is the start of Chelsea and my adventures...and oh boy, have I CRIED a lot in these past few hours (Thanks a lot, family who surprised me at the airport and proceeded to make me cry with presenting me with an album of pictures of you all!!!!)

I know that I am going to miss my family and friends A LOT in the next few months, but I will try to keep in touch by blogging constantly about what is going on. (Don't worry, I know I am bad at stuff like this, but Chelsea and I are both committed to keeping you all in the loop!!!)

Right now we are waiting at the airport and our flight boards in about 15 minutes. SO EXCITED!!!

I just want to give a great big THANK YOU to my family and Joleen and James for coming and meeting us at the airport!!! It was so special and Chelsea and I are so blessed to know people like you and my family is just so wonderful...there are no words. I am going to miss you so much!!!!

I guess we board soon, so I should post the picture and log out!!!!

LOVE YOU!!!!!!


Tanisha (and Chelsea!!)